people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
