I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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