It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
