You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
