So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
