nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize