I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
