mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Randomize
