If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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