Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
