I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
