Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
