i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
