All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
