and you said cock pushups were impossible
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
