Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
