I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
