Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
