Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
