I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize