Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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