goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
