OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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