He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
