Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize