he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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