I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
