I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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