i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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