But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
