Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
