What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
