Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
