We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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