Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
