so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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