just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my shit smells like andre
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
