that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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