I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
