Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
