i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
