I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize