Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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