His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
