Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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