I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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