A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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