he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
