Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
