I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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