Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
