conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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