This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i would punch a child for taco bell
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
