i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
