you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
