i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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