Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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