I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
