Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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