Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well you can't waste a boner
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
