3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she smelled like a LAN party
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
