Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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