I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
