I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize