What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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