you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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