If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
