What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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