things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
