how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
