White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
