so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
