Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
