her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize