"it" just moved
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
