I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Panties = found
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
