how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
