Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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