so that wasnt chicken after all
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize