so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
3pm strippers are depressing
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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