i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
