Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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