just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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