the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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