Redeem this text for a blowjob
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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