At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
