Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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