I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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