I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
