We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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