Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
