The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize