You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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