just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
