just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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