Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
