I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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