I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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