I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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