The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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