I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
