Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Are we still banned from the library?
you had me at cake vodka
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
