to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
